You’re the center of the world.

Ah! No, not exactly, but it’s kind of true and I’m here to tell you how.

We all know about the scientific definition and picturisation of the world that we live in but that’s not the only definition worth knowing.

Disclaimer: Just before we start this, you should know that I would probably be just blabbering stuff in between, like totally going off track, flowing with the stream of thought but I assure you it will all mean something in the end.

Don’t get me wrong, this isn’t about the round earth or the flat earth philosophies. In fact, it isn’t about earth at all (not in the physical sense atleast). It started with the existence of mankind. I’m sure you must have heard a lot of times that “Human beings are social animals”. We need a group of people that form a social setting in order to survive.

Since the first civilization that walked the earth, humans have always lived in groups. The early man, did not really know how the world was shaped, no sense of a broader/ larger picture of things. All they knew was the limited area that they lived in, hunted in, cultivated crops on. You can say that their ‘world’ was limited to their society, their family and friends.

Now you would probably ask why am I talking about early man and their world because ours is a completely different one, we can go anywhere around the globe and we do see the larger picture. So, how does all this make sense?

Well, we may know that the world is a gigantic sphere that revolves around the sun and rotates on it’s own axis, but that’s science, does that really define ‘your world’? Do you really see your daily life as a part of that big world or as a small world in it’s own?

For instance, if I talk about me, my world is limited to my family, a few friends, a few internet trolls (lol) and lots of people I knew, met, talked to or even saw. But that’s about it. Each day, I wake up, meet almost the same people and go to all the same places. I may have travelled, but my world’s still limited in a sense and that’s the same for most of us. We never really can or do see the world in it’s entirety.

That’s a social definition of ‘world’, which is sort of different from the scientific one, let’s talk about how you’re the center of it.

We all have our own little world’s and in these worlds there are some people who care for us, to whom we mean something. Likewise, we care for people and some are special to us, they are more important as compared to the rest of the ‘world’. Most of our decisions are based on how they’d affect them, meaning that they form the center of our little world and we too form the center of someone’s world in the same manner.

Having written all this, I now realise that I could have just said that, in a philosophical sense or a social sense even, YOU and ME can be the center of someone’s world. (Lol… Please don’t leave me because I bored you with useless rambles. I still love y’all)

Just a random picture with a thought that has nothing to do with the text above. 😬

A day at the examination hall

I had an exam today and although I was all stressed and nervous, I couldn’t help but notice some things at the examination hall.

I reached at 1:15, about 30 mins early, since I was too anxious to sit at home or to study/revise anymore. I checked the room number I had to go to as per the exam code and roll number and then waited for the gates to open like all other students standing outside the gate. People had formed groups under trees or any kind of shade they could find due to the fiercely shinning sun above our heads.

The gates were to open at 1:30, and so they did, which I would say was something no one had expected. A fairly healthy woman, supposedly a teacher, came out and announced “students may enter now”, she asked for everyone to present their IDs as they walked towards the gate.

As usual, there was no sense of discipline and so it was a mess with people trying to enter from all sides. Being the only teacher to check the IDs, I appreciate her hold on the situation. She had it covered, be it her authoritative form or bold voice, everything was on point.

As everyone started to enter, the teacher pointed to a notice and said in her bold voice, ” No bags or cell phones will be allowed inside, if you’re carrying a bag or a cell phone, kindly step aside.”

Fortunately, I wasn’t carrying any of these things since I live nearby and had no use for a bag or a phone. Some people on the contrary, had travelled large distance to be there, I even saw a guy with a big trolley bag and a backpack waiting amongst the students outside, it seemed as though he had just been on a flight.

Eventually, they had to allow all the students to come in but they cautioned them that anything lost or stolen would not be the school’s responsibility. Students left their bags by the main gate and headed to the respective classrooms.

Once everyone was settled and all the cell phones were placed on the teacher’s desk, there was another such episode.

A man of average height and built, probably in his early 30s came in and asked if anyone was carrying a cell phone, after getting a yes from a handful of students, he asked them to avoid bringing a cell phone since it would be difficult for one teacher to invigilate the examination as well as gaurd the cell phones. He went on to explain this by saying that we can’t employ two teachers as the university does not pay us for it.

A student, giving words to my thoughts, suggested that they start a token system wherein everyone can submit their belongings at the gate and pick it up later while leaving. The man, counter questioned that by saying, “I will have to place at least two people for that and who do you think would allow that or pay for that?”

Apart from this there was a ruckus in the corridor, a few students were not able to find the room number assigned to them and there seemed to be no one that could guide them.

All this passed and the bell rang, the question papers were handed out and the watch started ticking.

The situation could have been a bit different, if only the university and the school authorities had made better arrangements, it is not possible for all students to come empty-handed, they may need their phones to communicate with their parents who will probably be picking them up after the exam or in case of emergencies.

They could make a counter for submitting the phones and bags, the token system could be considered as an option and atleast a couple of volunteers should be placed at all floors to guide lost students.

Having said that, what irks ME the most during an examination is the announcements. Different teachers, entering the room one by one and saying the same things again and again. Disturbs the flow of thought so much more than a ringing cell-phone. Anyway, exam’s done, and it’s time to relax.

The measure of pain.

We’re humans, and we have a tendency to weigh and measure everything, however difficult it may be. We are driven by the urge to calculate. Be it distance, speed, time, numbers, population, temperature and more. We are so used to this mathematical format of life that we try to measure emotions too.

Though based on some observations so far, we always tend to measure the feelings of others. Our own emotions, seem to be the only thing that can’t be measured.

Losing someone you love is never easy, no one can know the pain that a person feels, yet some people make it a point to judge and measure the extent to which you are or should be hurt.I am a very emotional person but what I don’t or rather can’t do is cry in front of a gathering.

I lost my maternal grand father a couple of years ago. I still think why didn’t I climb the stairs that night? I should’ve gone upstairs and met him. Who knew that he won’t wake up in the morning. I miss him and he’s always in my mind. However, I didn’t cry at all during his last rites.

People would say I didn’t care enough, but I know I did and I still do. Someone who has lost a loved one does not have to be in mourning for ages so that other people can see his pain. That pain, that loss is mine and I don’t need to roam around with a sad face or cry everytime someone mentions him.

My grand paa would never want to see me cry because of him and I value his opinion more than any other Tom, Dick and Harry’s.The point here is that a person who’s already mourning feels guilty even for smiling or eating because of people around him. They’ve lost someone but they’re still alive themselves and they have all the rights in the world to make jokes, laugh and talk like normal people.

Don’t ever try to judge someone just because you can, you may be put into their place someday and you sure would not enjoy it.

Henry the perfectionist

Have you ever met someone who wants to be perfect at everything? Oh, I know that no one can be perfect at everything but what’s the harm in trying, right?

Come take a ride with me.

The journey begins when Henry was a little kid, his parents, his teachers, his neighbours and even the street dogs in his neighbourhood had high hopes off him. He was an average child who never really wanted to be on the top of the class or to be the talk of the town.

He started to understand what people expected from him and this made him tense, he didn’t want to disappoint anyone. So he started trying to do better, he liked studying and he became fairly good at it. He wasn’t satisfied though, because someone was always ahead of him and he got “the talk” from people about it. Even though he was good, he was told or made to believe somehow that he was a failure, as if he wasn’t “good enough.”

He tried and tried but there was an endless list of expectations in front of him and he was hopping from one stone to the other with no idea as to which one of them could be slippery and he may end up in a pit of deep dark nothing. Everytime he took up some task, he felt this need to be the best at it, he wanted to do it better than before and better than others too.

This desire to be the best is good, it drives you to achieve your goal but only a bit more than required and it drives you into craziness. It steers you through overthinking to becoming low on self esteem and confidence. It makes you ride right into the dark woods of depression.

Now Henry looks like any normal kid on the outside but if you only could see inside his brilliant brain.

One day, Henry was helping his father in arranging the crockery. Isn’t that a simple task? A normal person would’ve done it in a matter of minutes without much thought on what goes where but this was not just any person. It was our aspiring perfectionist, Henry.

So now, this is the insides of Henry’s brain:

Okay, I’ve got four cups which have to go into the upper left drawer.Here goes the black one, the blue one, the green and then the gray.

Oh! No, the gray one should go before the black. I’ll do this again.I hope dad didn’t see my mistake, what if he saw? He’d probably think that I’m not “good enough”.

Henry’s father, on the other hand, has no clue what’s going on inside that tiny brain so he says, ” what are you doing Henry? Hurry up , we don’t have all day for this.”

Back inside Henry’s mind:

I am no good, he thinks I’m no good. Why did I have to do it wrong? Why can’t I get this straight? Argh! I hate myself for this. I deserve to be punished.

Not that it was a lengthy task, it was not even his fault and no one was judging him yet he has made up his mind that he’s a mess. This is what happens to a child’s mind when he’s constantly nagged to be on the top for everything.

What happens next is that this child grows up to be all irritated and short tempered, emotionally imbalanced. His teens are spent making wrong choices which keep adding on to his emotional baggage. This becomes bigger and Henry who was once just a kid who wanted to make people happy by achieving and over achieving ends up in depression.

Sometimes, we don’t realise the pressure we put on others and at almost all times we have absolutely no idea of the pressure people put on themselves. Don’t be harsh on kids, not everyone is destined to become Einstein or Madame Curie.

Worst day of my life!

“OMG! I failed. What will I do now? This is the worst day of my life.”

Well, that was me after my second term results were out in class 5 and I had almost failed in SST. Oh, and also me when I got my pre-boards result for class 12 and I had failed in physics.

I thought it was the worst day of my life when I accidently rang the doorbell of a wrong house. I thought it will be a bad day, each time I did not complete my books on time for submission.

What did I know? I was just a kid. I grew up, fell in love and these days didn’t matter anymore. I passed class 5 with above average grades and scored 60% in the Physics’ board exam. The door bell that I rang, well I had enough guts to stand there and wait for this beautiful young woman to tell me that it was the wrong house and I apologized. It passed and so did all those days when I didn’t submit my books on time.

Now that these days were looking ‘ah! not so bad.’ I found a new definition for bad days. It was mostly like: “we broke up, it’s the worst day of my life.” Or “I don’t know what to do next, worst day of my life.”

Well, those days passed too, I dropped out and started understanding what I want out of life. Yes we broke up but then I found someone else. Not so bad, now that I look back.

“Oh! We’re fighting again, these are the worst days of my life.” And we broke up again but I knew it wasn’t the worst day this time. I moved on, went back to the first love of my life “happiest day” only to see him getting married to someone else.

Was that ” worst day of my life”? Nah! Not really.

Why? Because if there’s one thing that I’ve learnt from life, it is that there are no bad days or good days, they are all just lessons. All of it just happens to make us what we are and what we want to be.

Just as we need the good parts of our life, we need the bad and the worse ones too. Each time we say that ” it was the worst day of my life” we should think again about all the days that we’ve claimed to be the worst of all before this one.

Don’t ever lose hope because of one bad day. Believe in yourself.

A letter to my love

My love,

I have no idea where you might be right now or what you might be doing. You’re probably looking for me like I am or you’re with someone else. All these things won’t matter when we are together.

When we finally find each other one day, I may not be able to say much, I may not be able to say anything at all which is why I’m writing this letter to you. I have not met you yet or maybe I have but I don’t know it yet, despite all this, I just want you to know that I love you.

Now I may have said this to people before you but it’s only because I thought they were you. I fell in love with you when I was a little girl. I read you in my story books and I wished to meet you every time I saw a falling star(which is not many though, probably why we’re not already together).

There are some things that I want you to know about me, I love telling stories, so you better be prepared for that. I would sing you songs all day in my pitchy voice and I’d dance in circles around you when you’re not paying attention. I’ll make you laugh with silly jokes and witty comments. Sometimes, I’ll cry like a baby for the stupidest of things.

I will never ask for anything material but I’ll always want lots and lots of attention from you. I may not be a good cook but I’ll try for you. On days when you are stressed out, I’ll rub your shoulders and massage your head. I’ll give you silly ideas to get you out of a fix, some of them may make you angry. Yes I’m annoying and needy but I’d always love you.

Then one day when we are both old and wrinkly, all I would want from you is to be there like you’ve always been. When we’re lying there together at nights I’ll look into your eyes, they’ll be the perfect mirror for me, because they will tell me how beautiful I am to you and that’s what matters.

Your’s forever,

Whatever name you may wanna call me by.

Not a regular story

Hey there!

So before I start this I would like to warn all those guys who have an ego as small as a grain of sand, this may not be something you want to read.

Now that we’re done with the disclaimer, I would also like to state that this is not a generalisation in any manner. I do not wish to speak on behalf of all women or against all men.

We’ve all seen the #metoo confessions (the real ones) and we’ve also seen women complaining about men around them, but you don’t have to make faces now because this is nothing like that.

So, this is kind of a funny story that happened when I was at college. Our last zoology teacher had left the organisation so we were to be taught by a new teacher. Now this man in his mid thirties (balding), enters the class wearing a yellow shirt and a dark brown trouser tied above the waist.

Before I tell you about what he said, I must tell you that ours was a college with the gender ratio issue, our class however had about 70% of girls. This professor enters the class all sweaty and restless. He takes a round of the class looking at each of us students, goes back to the front and the first thing he says is that “This class will be fun, it has a lot of girls.”

Well, most of us laughed it off but it did feel very odd to me and probably some others. I never felt comfortable around him and to no one’s surprise that professor was removed from the organisation because of certain charges of harrasment.

Not a great story to tell but the moral is that sometimes it’s the smallest things, like an odd gesture or a statement or a look that can tell you about what you may get into and as they say you can never be too careful.

And as I like to say, don’t expect the worst but still be ready for it.

A tribute to you “Best Friend”

As I lay in my bed wondering what brought me so far in life, I realize that there’s not much to me.

There are a few things that I always loved and wanted. One of them is books, endless rows and columns of it. All sorts of books for all age groups and from all genres, with pictures or without, colored or colorless, old or new, all of them.

I don’t know how or when I started to love them so much but they’ve been an important part of my life and they’ve contributed immensely to the kind of person I am today.

They’ve always been my best friends, even though sometimes I’ve neglected them because I was too busy working or streaming a new series. After all this, they’ve never been angry with me, they’ve never left me alone.

I brought them home with a promise to spend time with them but I never did, even after that, they gave me all the wisdom that they held.

They’ve given me stories of love, of struggle and even fantasy. They’ve helped me escape into beautiful worlds, unknown to those who haven’t met them. They’ve loved me unconditionally and have always been there for me when I needed them. I may have been a bit too careless and lost a couple of them but I’m sure that they’re still not complaining about that.

My books have brought me joy, they’ve made me cry, they’ve introduced me to a wide range of emotions and they’ve taught me so many new words. People may tell me that they’re just lifeless things and I shouldn’t be too attached but to me they are more. They are my constants in this ever-changing world.

They are my counsellors in moments of stress and despair, they are my teachers of wisdom, they are my playmates in play time and they are my source of peace.

They’ve taught me to read and even to write and I’m so thankful that I fell for these inhuman things because they hold in them all of humanity and more.

As I once wrote, A tribute to my first love ever:

Your smell is intoxicating,
Your touch coarse, yet soothing,
I could read the stories in you all night,
No man compares to the joy that you provide.
I cry with you and you make me laugh too,
You are just a book to some,
but for me,
you are a friend and a soulmate.

I love you.

My scars, my story.

I have marks on my soul.
Marks from your love.
Marks from their hate.

Symbols of my falling down and those of my rising above.
I cherish these, they are a part of me
Each scar has its own story.

Since advent I have saved such memoirs,
For eternity I shall preserve these and more.

I regret not any tale that led to these,
I do not wish to change, even a second of it, please.

However it may have been, good or bad,
I remember it for the lesson it had.

My strength has increased many fold,
With everytime my story is told.

For those who ask me why not change,
I say I am ever-changing, but its not arranged.

I grow with each wound,
I sew it shut and drink the pain,but leave the cut.

These are my scars, it was my story,

It was my battle, this is my glory.

Opinions like Onions

Warning: The onions in this post are a property of the writer. Read at your own risk. Adult supervision is suggested for children with no onions or opinions.

Disclaimer: No opinions were harmed while researching for the content that follows.

Now, that we’ve established a basic understanding, let me tell you how opinions are so much like onions.

They’ve got layers: Just like onions, an opinion never ends at just one layer. The one sharing their opinion will go on to prove their point of view till you keep opposing their theory.

Sometimes they have a hollow core: opinions with no roots, based on no specific logic. Those which mostly root from others’ opinions, more like an idea which is put into a groups mind and they believe in it no questions asked.

They come in all shapes and sizes: just like opinions, which come on all topics. Even though the person giving them may have no knowledge about the said topic. Ex. Tim is no doctor but in Tim’s opinion the medicine that was given to Amber is not good for her.

Not everyone consumes them: People may listen to everything you have to say but they’d never really use it or believe in it if they don’t want to. Some may also oppose it openly and ask others to do the same (oops.. that’s also an opinion isn’t it?)

Sometimes it’s expensive: Opinions from learned people that require donations and fees.

Sweet or Spicy: Well that’s quite self-explanatory.

Last but not the least, Sometimes they make people cry.

Tell me what you think about opinions and onions in the comments below.